Does your appearance tell the world :

Or even worse , does your look broadcast :

Man , you could get attention from all the Girls ,
and you don't even have to be a bit handsome !
Dames are attracted to a Dude for his taste .
Keep yourself well groomed and clad yourself decently ,
and Wimmen will give you glances that will shred
holes right through the bottom of your tiny dark soul .

You can have Bitches fightin' over your body ,
and Assholes suddenly calling you 'Sir' .
You can turn your sorry life around .
All you gotta do is dress for success .
Become proud proof of the old saying :

Yes , I see it as my patriotic duty and
am under a strict Oath of Aesthetics
to all my fellow Brothers of the World ,
to aid and assist the down-trodden and frumpy .
This includes you .

You might be a dead branch on the family tree ,
and may only have two bucks to your silly name ,
but you still can look like a million dollars
from your big fat head to your gnarly toes !

So if you think you have the balls , scroll down
and see what kind of advice Daddy can give you .
You can't beat it , it's absolutely free !
That's cheaper than a damn lottery ticket .