Where can you get killer threads ?
Aside from breakin' into my house ,
and stealing all the cool clothes
out of my cramped closets ,
( you better bring a U-Haul™ )
there's all kinds of places to
acquire a kick-ass inexpensive wardrobe .
Inexpensive ? No , downright CHEAP !

At risk of being racist , many White Guys do not
know that there are some indoor Malls full of
vendors (mostly Asian) that cater to our darker
Brothers and Sisters in almost every major city .
There are stalls upon stalls of the most amazing
styles of shirts , and pants , and sunglasses ,
and jewelry , and everything else to pimp up with .
There are items here you will never see in stores ;
crazy fashions only to be seen in music videos .
All to be had for prices even you can afford !
Go there , I guarantee you'll be back for more .
And if you're a Big Boy , you'll have no trouble
finding a shirt size XXXXXL , a cool one at that !

Dude , how many times have you received a piece
of clothing you know you would never ever wear ?
That same shit happens to millions of good people .
Where do all those unworn threads end up at ?
Thrift stores , that's where !
These orphan homes for clothes
are friggin' gold mines for you and I .
Among some treasures I've found is a brand new
black three-button Hugo Boss suit for $5.00 !
A choice seventies shirt with Playboy Bunnies
dancin' all over it for for just $3.00 !
Vintage Guayaberas for a few bucks each .
All these found after my usual lazy self
wakin' up after 1:00 p.m. , long after the
professional Thrift Store Vultures have
greedily sifted though the goods .

Yep , recent bad-ass clothes , still new with tags
discarded by poor saps without a lick of taste , and
collectible hard-to-find vintage whole wardrobes are
to be found wasting away amongst the common trash .
In my naive younger days , I would have never have
thought of buying clothes from Thrift Stores .
The idea would have seemed disgusting , because
you don't have any clue about who the fuck
wore that shit on their filthy little asses .
Now I know it's people like you and me !
The same people who tried on the clothes at
the department store before you bought 'em , eh ?

Do you think thift shopping is for losers , geeks ,
gays , and neo-beatniks ? You're wrong , Buddy !
You'll find people from every walks of life .
This includes you and your Momma !
Thrifting is an Adventure ! See it as such !
Sometimes dissapointing , but many times more
rewarding than rock-climbing , that it is .
Ask some one who knows .